I Don’t Know What I’m Doing

You know, it’s funny… I finally got the blog up and running and then I had an Oh Crap! Moment. Mind Blank. Post ideas? Gone. Just gone. Pressure? On.

I’ve spent the last couple of days taking notes and trying to find something I feel is worthy of writing about, but I don’t know where to start. I like to write about heavy things. Hard things. Important things. It’s therapeutic to me. But I don’t want every post to be smothered and weighed down by those things.

So, where do I start? I’m an expert on nothing. I’m not qualified to give you advice about anything. I don’t know what I’m doing.

…But I guess that’s kind of why I wanted to start this blog in the first place. I wanted to find others who don’t know what they’re doing and maybe give them someone to commiserate with. I wanted to let others know they’re not alone and to feel like I’m not alone. Because life is lonely sometimes. Even if you’re surrounded by your favorite people, you can still be going through something that feels terribly isolating.

Let’s go over a few of the scenarios that make me feel alone…
-Depression and/or anxiety. Been there. Fight to stay away from there every day. What I’ve learned is that you can literally have the biggest cheerleaders around you, but still feel alone. No one hears the thoughts in your head except you, so they’ll never understand what it’s like in the confines of your mind. This is absolutely true. And hard. And scary. And no one can dig you out of that pit EXCEPT you. That’s a tall order. Thankfully, if you’re a Believer, you have a massive amount of Power behind you, helping push you forward toward healing. But you still have to decide to be willing.

-Family Drama. Been there too. Am there now. To quote the (in)famous Lorelai Gilmore, “There’s nothing like family to screw up a family.” True. Too true. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. Even the closest, most “perfect” family has skeletons in the closet. It’s possible to have siblings that were raised alongside you who have different experiences from within the same home environment. It’s possible to have scarring family histories and overcome them. It’s possible to break the cycles of abuse and poor mental health and have a happy life without the people who hurt you. I’m still learning what this looks like.

-Juggling Life. Ha. HA. HA! I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feel alone in this. We all have our own sets of responsibilities. Work, family, kids, pets, chores, friendships, more work…just to name a few. Yet, we still feel terribly alone trying to juggle and do everything the best we can. It doesn’t help when you see people like Has-It-All-Together Tammy who seems to flawlessly breeze through her perfect life and love every second of everything. That’s a lie. She’s a liar. Trust me, she’s struggling to juggle everything too…she just has the ability to be fake, which is not something I want to have the ability to do. We’re all trying to figure it out, I promise.

Do you feel alone in these struggles too? Maybe we can be friends. Have struggles you want to share? Send me a message. I don’t promise to have any answers, but I promise to try.

Here’s to hoping more blog post ideas flood my brain soon!