Embrace. Trust. Joy.

I’ve been on a writing hiatus. It seems that I take turns cycling through my hobbies and interests. Recently, I have been concentrating on crocheting and reading. And while I want to write and blog (I constantly have blog post ideas – why in the world do I not jot them down?!) I simply have not made the time for it. Maybe I am avoiding it because it forces me to dig into my feelings and analyze my thoughts. Maybe I’ve wanted to not do that lately. Maybe I’ve wanted to escape my reality and jump into the pages of a book, into the “reality” of those fictional characters. Maybe.

It’s not that life is bad right now. It’s actually pretty good! But man, it’s busy. We have been through so many changes already and we have so many more to go through. I’m not a fan of change…unless the change is my idea. Raise your hand if you understand.

The biggest upcoming change, finishing our new house and actually moving into it, is rapidly approaching. It’s a bit daunting and a smidge overwhelming. I am trying my darndest to not put on my brakes and screech into a stupified halt.

There are these quiet voices inside my head that constantly battle one another. One says she doesn’t like change and doesn’t want change and we can’t do it. The other says that change can be good and it’s going to be okay and we will love this new house we’ve built just for us. The voices go back and forth over and over and over again.

It’s like, super fun.

I don’t, like, feel crazy at all.

Ha.

You know how sometimes people pick a word at the start of the new year? This word is supposed to become a theme for them and represent what they want for the next 365 days of their life. I’ve contemplated many different words to represent my 2019 and here we are at the beginning of May, and I still don’t have one chosen. The ones at the top of my list are “embrace,” “trust,” and “joy.” I can’t seem to pick just one. They might have to stay a set because they all truly represent what I want for this year.

I want to embrace the present. Live in the moment, not in fear. I spent so much of 2018 in fear – it’s no way to live. Embrace the changes that have already happened and the changes to come. Embrace the time when my children are small and I can pour into them. Embrace those who pour Truth into me. Embrace my life without those who don’t.

I want to trust more. Trust the Lord more. Trust that He will lead us in His will for our lives. Trust that He will provide. Trust that my husband’s {crazy} idea to build us a wonderful house and move us 25 miles away is what is best for us. Trust myself, my instincts, my decisions.

I want to find joy in my life, not just try to survive it. There are so many things to be happy about, so many things to be grateful for. I don’t want to be too busy or so caught up in myself that I can’t celebrate the good things. And there are so many good things happening in our circle of friends and family. A beautiful new house for us, one for our best friends. Siblings’ weddings. Babies and their giggles. Teaching my son and watching him learn and grow. Thriving careers and businesses. Happiness, safety, protection. I want to find joy in all of those things even on the bad days, during stressful times, and when things go wrong.

Five months into the year already. Embrace. Trust. Joy. I can do this.